Nope, I don't know what happened either...more hairspray and lipstick than a trannie's boudoir, the band look good, but the metal is turned down considerably and the sleaze has been disinfected. Sixx clearly thinking it's time to hit Hollywood big time, and whilst 'City Boy Blues' attempts some kind of crash bang wallop, Mars' guitar seems sharper, cleaner...there's a polished feel and look about the whole record...and two tracks in and we're already associating our mood with the mask of tragedy on the front as the dire 'Smokin In The Boys Room' filters through. Coupled with Twisted Sister's 'Be Cruel To Your School', this has to be one of those anthem's to drag a whole genre down. Sure, us kids were at school but in bands like Crue we wanted attitude, sleaze and Satan, not bloody songs about being naughty at school. And that's the problem with 'Theatre...', despite it having a small place in my heart, it slumps dramatically from the bands first two records, paling considerably in comparison, reminding me more of Ratt with its squeaky nature and the anthem's just refuse to rock...'Save Our Souls', 'Raise Your Hands To Rock'...what's going on! And sure, the scarf waving anthem of all anthem's, 'Home Sweet Home' is a bona-fide Crue classic nowadays, but such a lightweight track seems to only inject more prettiness and dampness into the record. A saviour does come in the raw 'Louder Than Hell' which would seem more suited to 'Shout...', finally Vince breaks from that girly warble and gets a bit of rust in the throat, backed by Mars' cutting guitar and Lee's solid drum attack, but these highs are so short-lived, because turning this record up to ten just doesn't have any effect...I dunno, maybe it's the production, maybe it's Crue's direction into the velveteen world of drugs, spandex, lycra and porn, but 'Theatre...' reeks of pain, but it still, deep down has the ability to strut, fuck and pout like no other, I just wish the band had stayed in league with sleazy Satan, instead of moving out of the dungeon into a penthouse...
6.5/10
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