Warrant - Cherry Pie (1990)

I tell ya the problem with Warrant...they're just ugly. I can take hair metal with a pinch of salt especially when occasionally the genre produces some quality bands, i.e. Spread Eagle, even Kik Tracee etc. 'Cherry Pie' was a big record (Warrant's second album)...for me it's just a lush lump of ice-cream. Five scrawny guys who probably watched too much porn, shagged too many ugly bimbo's, it's the same old bombastic tales of lost love, found love, dirty love, innuendo, acoustic rambling,...ho-hum! Tries to be the younger brother to Crue's 'Dr Feelgood', musically it's adequate although there's something manufactured about this...five scrawny guys with women's hair and no dress sense telling stories we don't wanna hear anymore. Those lovely choruses, Jani Lane attempting to pout...well yeah it works when you look like a fish...I dunno, where these kind of guys bullied at school and think that by forming a rock band will make them hard ? Oh, I'm such a cynic. Sure, the songs are catchy, the production is big and clean and cushioned, courtesy of Beau Hill, but is there any difference between this and say Bon Jovi's housewives-only rock dross ?

Guess 'I Saw Red' is five scrawny guys trying to write a cool rock ballad, but it's just not real is it. Five scrawny guys in cowboy boots flicking their hair about, questioning their love as every video sees some satin-laced porn star draped over a vehicle as the wind blows her tresses, oh so sexual...apparently the bands next opus 'Dog Eat Dog' moved away from the gushing..I'm sure the women loved 'Cherry Pie', fuck knows why because if I was a bird with a brain I'd have as cool taste as me!!!!

Five scrawny guys who should have taken a leaf out of Tesla's book. 'Bed Of Roses'...come on, where do they get these titles ? The Mills & Boon of metal.

5/10